by Rolli
Jane hated sand. You would too, if you lived in Arizona.
Every morning, when she opened her window, SAND blew in her eyes.
When she opened her front door, SAND blew in her teeth.
Worst of all, when she went for a walk, SAND got between her sandals and her feet. That drove her CRAZY.
So while other children played in sandboxes or at the beach, Jane splashed around in the public swimming pool. She was just coming home from the pool one day, when she tripped on something and fell flat in the sand. She was still a bit wet from swimming, so the sand stuck all over her.
After she’d brushed the sand off (and had a nice scream), Jane looked back to see what she’d tripped on.
It was a vacuum cleaner. She didn’t know that at first, because only a bit of the machine was sticking out of the sand. But after she’d dug it out and dusted the sand off, it was fairly obvious. Also, there was a label on it that said, “V-1 SuctionMaster Plus.”
That’s the same as my Grandpa Jack’s vacuum, Jane thought, looking it over. Like her Grandpa’s vacuum, this one had a giant red button with the word “START” printed under it. Even though she shouldn’t’ve pressed that button, she did. There’s just something about big red buttons that makes you want to push them.
“VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” That’s the sound the vacuum made. Jane tried to turn it off, but the button was stuck. Right away, it started sucking up sand, which didn’t seem like such a bad thing. But it wouldn’t stop! As it sucked, it dug itself deeper and deeper into the sand, until it was in the bottom of a deep pit that got deeper every minute.
“Hmm,” said Jane. She hadn’t expected that.
Suddenly, a skinny man stepped out from behind a lamp post. He had a big sucker in his mouth.
“Hmm,” said Jane, again. She hadn’t expected that, either.
The man popped the sucker out of his mouth. “So ya turned it on, did ya?” he said. “Couldn’t leave it be.” He laughed. “Ah, well, missy. I’ll confess – there’s just somethin’ about big red buttons that makes ya wanna push ’em.”
“I know,” said Jane.
The skinny man looked annoyed.
“Well!” he said, sticking the wet sucker in his pocket. “If ya know so much, missy, I’ll betcha can tell me what’ll happen if that thing-um-jigger keeps suckin’ an’ suckin’ an’ sinkin’ an’ sinkin’?”
Jane shook her head.
The skinny man looked delighted.
“Why,” he chuckled, “it’ll suck up the middle of the world, of course!”
He waited for Jane to say something – only she wasn’t sure what to say. But he sure was.
“Don’t ya know what that means, missy? It means that the whole planet will go all hollow, like a chocolate bunny. An’ as soon as it gets hit by a comet, or someone big falls down, it’ll crumble all to bits. And whose fault’ll that be?”
The way he glared, Jane could tell he meant her.
“I didn’t mean to,” she said. She was almost crying.
“Poo!” said the man. “No use cryin’. Nah, whatcha need to do is think – about what you’re gonna do about it. How you’re gonna stop it.”
Jane thought for a while. While she did, the skinny man pulled the sucker back out of his pocket. It was covered in dust and fuzz, but he licked it anyway.
“Ah, missy,” he said. “You seem like a good ‘un, so I’ll help ya out. Listen up: there’s only one thing that can stop a V-1 SuctionMaster Plus. One thing in this whole world.”
Jane swallowed. “What is it?”
The skinny man blinked. He licked his sucker. And then he said, “Another V-1 SuctionMaster Plus.”
Jane nodded her head. That made perfect sense.
“I wouldn’ get my hopes up, though, missy. That partic’lar model’s pretty hard to come by. Hasn’t been made in … fifty years. Hey! Hey, where you goin’?”
But Jane just kept running. She knew where to find another V-1 SuctionMaster Plus. She knew exactly where.
“Grandpa Jack, Grandpa Jack!” she cried a few minutes later, as she dashed into the old man’s apartment.
“Hmm? What? Hum?” said her Grandpa, looking up from his newspaper. Some older people still read newspapers. “What is it?”
“Can I borrow your V-1 SuctionMaster Plus?” she asked, using all of her breath.
“Yup,” said Grandpa Jack, using all of his. Older people often don’t have as much breath as younger people.
“Great! Um, where is it?”
“Huh? Oh. Right. It’s in the Vacuum Cabinet.”
Jane raced to the Vacuum Cabinet. Sadly, it was locked.
“Hey, Grandpa! Where’s the key?”
“Key?” said her grandfather. “Key? Hmmm.” It’s not as easy to remember things, when you get older.
“Think, Grandpa!” said Jane. “It’s an emergency.”
“Hmmm, hmmm. Hmmm. Ah! It’s – no, no. It isn’t in the fruit bowl.”
“Hurry, Grandpa!”
He hurried. It’s just that hurrying can take a bit longer when you get older. But finally, he remembered.
“Aha!” he cried, snapping his fingers. “The key is on the key rack.”
“Great!” cried his granddaughter. She ran to the key rack, snatched the key, unlocked the Vacuum Cabinet, grabbed the V-1 SuctionMaster Plus, and flew out the door with it. But she remembered to say “Thanks, Grandpa!” on the way out. Remember, no matter what age you are, everyone likes to be told “please” or “thank-you.”
Jane raced back with the vacuum to the deep pit. It was even deeper now. Looking down, she could barely see the other vacuum.
“What do I do now?” she asked the skinny man.
He pulled the sucker out of his mouth, which was a lot smaller now. “First, you set the vacuum down.”
Jane set down the vacuum on the edge of the pit.
“Next, you press the red button.”
Jane did. Her Grandpa’s V-1 SuctionMaster Plus rumbled to life.
“Now shove it down the pit,” instructed the skinny man.
Jane wasn’t sure about that, but she did it anyway. “What will happen?” she asked, watching it fall.
The skinny man licked his sucker and said, “It’s like this, missy. All V-1 Suction Master Plusses are alike – but not exactly alike. One’s always just a sminch stronger. An’ that vacuum, missy, will win. If your V-1 wins, well, we’ll have no more troubles.”
“But … what if it doesn’t win?” Jane asked.
The man dropped his sucker. Then he picked it up and, even though it was covered in sand, stuck it back in his mouth. He crunched the sucker up and pulled out only the stick.
“Then,” he said, in a deeper voice, “it will be our doom.”
The skinny man threw his sucker stick on the ground. Then he stepped back behind the lamp post. I guess he didn’t want to watch. Neither did Jane, really. But she had to. She just had to. She crouched down on the edge of the pit.
When her Grandpa’s vacuum finally hit the bottom of the pit, it sprang into action. The other V-1 sprang into action, too. They were like two springing, hissing cats that hated each other.
“VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” (That was the first vacuum.)
“FSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” (That was the second vacuum.)
“VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
“FSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“VRRRRRRRRR!”
“FSHHHHHHHH!”
“VRRRRR!”
“FSHHHH!”
“VRRR!”
“FSHH!”
“VRR!”
“FSH!”
“VR!”
“FSH!”
“V!”
“FS!”
“Ffffffffffffffffffff.”
And then, at last, at last, it was silent. When the dust settled, when the sand clouds scattered, all Jane could see lying at the bottom of the deep pit was a pair of vacuums. The one was completely still, but the other, her grandfather’s, still trembled a little. It gave one final shiver, and then it, too, lay still.
“Ah,” said a voice behind Jane. It was the skinny man. He’d been watching, after all. He crouched beside Jane and looked down. “He fought brave. He fought real brave an’ he won. He saved the world. He saved us all. But he’s vacuumed his last, alas. The poor thing-um-jig.”
It was very sad. Jane watched one of her tears – and one of the skinny man’s – fall down the pit together and splash onto her grandfather’s V-1 Suction Master Plus.
“Aye,” said the man. “It is sad. But there’ll be other vacuums, too. Lots more. You can count on that, missy.”
Then the skinny man picked up a beach shovel and filled in the deep pit with sand. Jane made a cross out of Popsicle sticks and stuck it where the pit used to be. She wanted to write, “Here Lies a Truly Brave Vacuum” on it. But she couldn’t find a pen.
A week later, Jane and her parents bought her Grandpa Jack a brand new vacuum – the V-2 SuctionMaster Max. It could do everything the V-1 could do, plus glow in the dark. How’s that for awesome?
Question Time:
- Why didn’t Jane like sand?
- What happened when she turned on the vacuum?
- What did the skinny man tell Jane to do?
- What happened after the vacuum battle?
